New Year's resolutions

Since I'm practically perfect in every way, even if it's only in my own mind, I've decided that for my new year's resolutions I'm going to become really really annoying so I will have something to work on in 2018. I'm going to start spitting when I talk, I mean to the extent that I'm dehydrated after a conversation. If I go into a public restroom I'm going to make sure that anyone pooping in a stall remembers to double wipe and if I see them later walking around I will yell at the top of my lungs that "there goes the guy who didn't double wipe!" Or if it was a number one I'll yell "Hey there goes that single shake guy!" By the end of the year my booger "pick and flick" skills will be so accurate that I'll be able to flick them into other people's noses, that is if I don't eat them first.